So that’s why it’s almost like summer in NYC. It’s isn’t from global warming (it’s totally from global warming)! It’s because the apparent heir to the American ginger throne, 1-year-old Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni (Prince MEN-M) is heating up the sidewalks with the curly halo of flames on his head. No, Cynthia Nixon’s hair didn’t burn off from being that close to Max’s short fro of sparks. Cynthia shaved it all off to do Wit on Broadway.

The rapture has been re-scheduled for a later date, because the world can’t end now that a miniature Rojo is here. Prince Max saved us all!!! (See also: ginger babies are the best.)

Nina Arianda of 50 Shades of Venus Fur beat out Mrs. Rojo Caliente, Cynthia Nixon, for Best Lead Actress in a Play at last night’s gay Super Bowl, but I’m pretty sure that a few hours later the full body orgasm she got from being named the greatest non-singing actress on Broadway faded away as she tucked that trophy into bed next to her. Nina stared deep into the doped up eyes of the scary face on the left on her trophy and knew that Cynthia was the real winner of the night since she got to tuck in ROJO CALIENTE!!!!

The reigning Queen and Queen of the ginger gayelles made their first public appearance at the TONYs since they resurrected the beaten horse known as the sanctity of marriage from the dead by becoming each other’s wife three weeks ago. It makes the loins of my soul tingle knowing that after all these years together, the sight of Rojo looking dapper as a motherfucker in a Men’s Warehouse tuxedo (from their debonair Hobbit collection) still makes Cynthia moist in the pits. The sign of true love IS creamy pits.

Now everyone in NYC knows why they have charbroiled nipples today (read: it was hotter than hell). The air caught fire when newlyweds Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente strut around NYC today. Cynthia Nixon has a look on her face that says she’s over it, frustrated, about to stab choke a kitten with her bare teeth and hasn’t had a peaceful bowel movement in days. That is the look on every married ho’s face. It’s the official look of a wife! Married life looks good on both of them, but really what doesn’t? I mean, only Rojo Caliente can pull off a pair of Tommy Bahama shorts and Cynthia is melting the pavement with those Birkenstocks (aka the official footwear of the gayelles).

A little later, Cynthia was on the edge of going full Alec Baldwin on a cab driver when he refused to drive her. Once that NOT KNOWING cab driver realized that he had one of the ginger queens of the island before him, he opened up his yellow chariot and drove her to her palace. Who knew that seeing a slightly rage-filled Cynthia would put me through changes? I thought only Rojo had that effect on me.

I’m in L.A. and:

– It’s only 7:15 in the morning and it’s already so damn warm that I can run down the side of the freeway with nothing but ass lip mittens on.

– I’m so going to make french toast out of a Double Double and chutney out of off-ramp oranges for breakfast.

– And I’ve already been baptized as a born again citizen of Southern California by getting flipped off and called something that starts with an “f” (I’m thinking he called me a “funtabulous rascal,” but I’m pretty sure he called me a “fucking asshole“) when I tried to cut a Yaris off while driving out of the airport.

So, you’d think because of all of that I’d be spitting out smoggy rainbows of happiness. Well, I was until I saw these pictures that reminded me one very, VERY, very important thing: THERE’S NO ROJO CALIENTE IN LOS ANGELES! I was so blinded by the shine of weed cards and Jack In The Box dollar tacos that I completely forgot about this. Why didn’t any of you bitches remind me! Sure, I can troll the aisles of some Home Depot, find a fat chola butchie and ask her to please put an orange Tupperware bowl on her head so I won’t be so gingersick, but it won’t be the same. WHAT HAVE I DONE? We have to go back, Kate! We have to go back to the island!

And these pictures of Cynthia Nixon, Rojo and Little Rojo Christ strolling around NYC were taken in the middle of the night. Yes, the curly rays of sun on Little Rojo Christ’s head are that illuminating.

That moment when Cynthia Nixon once again realizes that she’s married to the human form of a sun’s ray Rojo Caliente.

Every now and again her down low parts remind her that she gets spoon to with Rojo Caliente almost anytime she wants. It’s not only a natural reaction, it’s the only reaction. This is the O faces to end all O faces and it’s totally Rojo’s doing.

That’s a face that says, “Get the mop and all the sponges.” I’m making that same face right now, because it’s the face I always make when my eyeballs take in the pure hotness of Rojo Caliente. But then again, I’m pretty much always making that glory hole face, because I always like to be ready.

Here’s Rojo and Cynthia Nixon at the US Open today. Those people around them must be dead inside, because why are they giving their attention to a stupid ass tennis match instead of the ginger goddess Rojo Caliente? They should be bowing before her and giving her their firstborn as an offering.

Pics: Splash

No, I’m not talking about Bill de Blasio. Yeah, he came in first in the Democratic mayoral race and got over 40 percent of the votes, but none of that would have happened if he didn’t get an endorsement from the sun’s ambassador ROJO CALIENTE! During Bill de Blasio’s campaign for NYC mayor, Rojo Caliente and her wife Cynthia Nixon have been supporting him and so of course he was going to win. While watching Bill give his victory speech last night, New Yorkers felt their retinas tingle as though a dash of cayenne pepper blew into their eyes. They didn’t even listen to any of the words that came out of Bill de Blasio’s mouth, because they were too busy taking in the luminous beauty of the humanized Statue of Liberty torch. Behind every Bill de Blasio is Rojo Caliente stealing the spotlight without even trying.

And here’s another picture courtesy of Sara:

Even Bill de Blasio’s son’s glorious afro and his daughter’s renaissance fair headband can’t take the attention away from Rojo. All hail Rojo! The Mayor of the Universe!

And I hate myself hard for somehow missing these pictures of Rojo, Cynthia Nixon and Susan Sarandon playing ping pong at a de Blasio event last month.

Pics: Splash, NY Times (Thanks to Sara, LeAura and everybody else who sent this in)

The NYDN really needs to check their lipstick before they start reporting highly important news. Referring to Rojo Caliente as “wife of Cynthia Nixon” is not the way you refer to the flaming torch of the five boroughs that spreads light all over NYC. Every news journal should refer to Rojo as “The sparkling ginger unicorn of NYC in a Men’s Wearhouse suit that fills the heart veins of millions with liquid rainbows.” If that title is too long, they need to get bigger paper! You don’t call Rojo “the wife of so and so.” They’re treating our American pot of gold like she’s Jessica Biel or some shit. Illegal, disrespectful and every kind of wrong!

Irresponsible journalism aside, the NYDN reports that Rojo is now part of Mayor de Blasio’s administration and she’ll bring in $120,000 a year as a special adviser for community partnerships in the Department of Education. Rojo’s duties will include a bunch of special adviser shit, but mostly she’ll serve the community by being Rojo and every other day she’ll stand in the park and let the people take in the sunshiney rays that shoot off of her hair.

Rojo and Cynthia Nixon have been on Team de Blasio for almost 10 years and Rojo was a full-time volunteer on his campaign.

Somebody, who obviously hates me, told me that I should get more exercise, so I’ve been trying to run around the block a few times a week. I hate it, my body hates it. Every part of me hurts afterward and it feels like I just got a 100-man train ran on me. (Side note: Remind me to look up if getting a 100-man train ran on me burns more calories than running around the block. I might have to change my exercise plan.) After my run around the block, I “cool down” by lying on the grass and then I wait for death. But now I have a very good reason to pull myself off the grass and keep on living. Because Rojo is special adviser today, which means she’ll probably be Mayor of New York City in 2017, which means she’ll most likely be President in 2024!

And here’s our future leader and first lady at some political event thing two nights ago:

ROJO 2024!

(Thanks to everyone who sent this in!)

The White House Corespondents Dinner (aka the event that Sarah Palin rage watches on TV every year like a lonely 11th grader sitting all alone in her car parked in the lot of the prom she wasn’t invited to)  happened in DC last night and it’s usually a real trash heap of an event filled with gutter skanks like Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Spencer Pratt. But they decided to switch things up this year and bring in some real stars and beauty! Sure, there were still some hos there whose one brain cell would spit out an error 405  if you asked them to spell “correspondents” (see: Jessica Simpson), but the presence of ROJO CALIENTE made up for that!

Rojo Caliente blessed the WHCD with her glorious gingerness last night, because she’s in politics now and it’s only a matter of time before she’s voted in as President and moves into the White House (sorry, Hillary). Our future First Lady Cynthia Nixon was Rojo’s date and judging by that dress, we know her focus will be recycling when she moves into the White House. Because you know that ratty couch from the 60s your hoarding memaw just couldn’t let go of and put on the back porch where it became a bed to the raccoons who troll around her yard? Well, Cynthia Nixon ripped the fabric off of that back porch couch and used it to make the dress she wore last night.

Believe it or not, last night’s events weren’t canceled so that everyone could watch Rojo eat and slowly sip champagne. The events and jokes went on. Obama told jokes between two ferns!

And the poster child for good plugs Joel McHale told jokes too!

But the real entertainment came from watching the beige polyester panties of all the old people bunch up into their ass cheeks as they got highly offended by Joel’s jokes.

And here’s a few pictures from last night’s nerd prom including my best dressed of the night Rose McGowan who delivered some boudoir chic by wrapping a black silk sheet around a teddy.

Pics: Getty, Splash

After Sex and the City Number Two was called out as a sequined dried turd by most critics and became a Razzie award winner, the show’s creator and the director of the movies Michael Patrick King said that they had one more bowel movement movie in them and I took that to mean that he really wanted a bigger summer house in the Hamptons.

Even though the second SATC movie, which splattered onto screens in 2010, was a flop in the hearts of many fans and was offensive on every level, it still made almost $300 million worldwide. So of course those bitches have another story to tell. Jennifer Hudson says that story may be told soon, because someone recently talked to her about a third movie. During an interview with Dish Nation (via E!), JHud spilled this:

“I think it might be [happening]. Somebody just came to me talking about that. So if it’s in the talks, it might happen. So look out for your girl Louise from St. Louis.”

In the file folder labeled “Final SATC movie” in Michael Patrick King’s head, I hope there’s a plot summary in there that reads: “The SATC hos watch Rojo Caliente eat an orange for 2 hours straight.” Now THAT is the only SATC movie I want to see.

But really, we all know what the FINAL SATC story is. They all retire and move into a small, three bedroom tract home in Miami and when they’re not getting into hijinks, they’re laughing over cosmos cheesecake in the kitchen. Carrie will be played by a Bea Arthur hologram, Samantha will be played by a Rue McClanahan hologram, Miranda will be played by an Estelle Getty hologram and Charlotte will be played by a Betty White hologram (the real Betty White doesn’t want any part of that shit).

And does Sarah Jessica Parker really need MORE money? Look at this trick in NYC the other day. She was out for a casual gallop and found a check for $4,700 on the sidewalk. Money just falls at her hooves!

Pics: Splash

The 2017 Tonys had only one job to do and that was to give us Bette Midler yodeling out a song from Hello Dolly! That didn’t happen. Thirty five layers of NOT AMUSED swept across my face when I realized that the rumors about Bette not performing at the Tonys were true. The phones at CBS’ offices probably exploded from mad bitches demanding a damn refund of their time when the performance from Hello Dolly! turned out to be Niles Crane singing a boring song in front of a boring curtain. But Bette Midler kind of made up for it when she shut down the orchestra who dared try to play her away from the mic.

As expected, Bette Midler beat Denée Benton, Christine Ebersole, Patti LuPone and Eva Noblezada for the Tony for the Best Actress in a Musical. Bette won a special Tony award in 1974, but last night was the first time she won a competitive Tony. While done up like an Angie Dickinson impersonator, Bette thanked everyone she’s ever met, and while praising Hello Dolly, the orchestra tried to get her to shush by playing “Shut The Fuck Up Already” music. But they learned that you don’t play Bette Midler off. Bette Midler plays you off.

And it’s a good thing for that conductor that Bette was a shoo-in and that Patti didn’t win instead. Because if Patti won and was played off, that conductor would’ve been shitting out pieces of their wooden baton for days after she shoved it up their ass.

Speaking of shit, I feel like it and am probably coming down with something gross. So this post will be my last for today. I need to spend the rest of the day curled up next to my laptop in bed while praying to this picture of St. Rojo Caliente (whose wife won a Tony last night). Oh, St. Rojo please bestow your healing ginger rays upon me and rid me of the sicks.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty

Kim Cattrall just did the world a huge favor by single handedly putting the kibosh on Sex And The City 3. That’s right, you may never have to cringe your way through another SATC movie again! Daily Mail reports that Kim is totally being a Carrie by making it all about her.

According to Daily Mail, Warner Bros. was ready to go on another big-budget cinematic turd in Manolos and filming was to start any day now. But Kim saved us all by refusing to sign on.

Kim probably sat down at her computer and thought to herself, “I couldn’t help but wonder: Can a middle aged actress really have it all?”. Unfortunately for Kim, the answer is no, only if you’re actually a Carrie. Poor Samantha, always getting shafted! Personally, I’ve never fit  into one of the show’s classic archetypes. I guess if I had to pick I’d say that I’m a Yolanda. You remember Yolanda, right? She was a hooker Carrie passed by in the opening credits.

Co-stars, Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon and The Other One are reportedly “heartbroken” over the demise of the lucrative series. But are they? I mean I know they probably all need the paycheck but did you see the last movie? The Mail talked to a bunch of super salty sources who had nothing but shitty things to say about Kim.

“Everyone was looking forward to making this movie but Kim made it all about her, always playing the victim.”

Umm, that source seems to know a lot about the behind the scenes drama. Bueller? Anyone?

Another source said, “Ridiculous. Who does she think she is – George Clooney?” and yet another said “This franchise made her and let’s be frank, it’s all she is really known for” to which I say HOW DARE YOU SIR OR MADAM! Mannequin is a fucking masterpiece.

All the hate coming Kim’s way must be about missing out on a phat paycheck. Despite abysmal reviews, the last one (SATC2: Harum Skarum) earned $288 million and the first one cleared a smooth $415 mill. That goes a long way to offsetting their wig budget.

But at last night’s New York City Ballet Gala (pics below), SJP told Extra that the rumors about a Golden Girls prequel (aka a SATC 3 movie) are just that and it’s never ever going to happen:

“It’s over… we’re not doing it.”

At any rate, let us thank Kim. She’s doing the lord’s work.

Pics: Wenn.com, New Line Cinema

When the world heard that Sex And The City 3 wasn’t happening, mostly everyone loudly rejoiced, except for Kristin Davis, because bitch needs a check (same). Sarah Jessica Parker confirmed it was a no-go by vaguely saying it wasn’t happening while her eyes said, “IT’S ALL SAMANTHA’S FAULT!” Kim Cattrall has more to say about the situation, and let us know that she’s staying away because the only thing served at the brunch table when she filmed was toxic tea! 

The Daily Mail has posted more tidbits from Kim’s sit down with Piers Morgan for his Life Stories series in the UK. Kim added that while she was always down to slurp a cosmo and ogle some dick with SJP, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis during the HBO years, the connection fizzled as soon as the cameras were unplugged:

“They all have children and I am ten years older and since specifically the series ended I have been spending most of my time outside of New York so I don’t see them. The common ground that we had was the series and the series is over.”

Separated by kids and an ocean. Makes sense to me! I wouldn’t cash in my sky miles just to spend a weekend at SJP’s townhouse listening to screaming babies and hearing about that Bloomingdales shoe line. I’m such a Samantha. Ugh, maybe I did want a third movie to happen. Anyway, Kim says what’s really chaps her ass is how it all played out in the press and nobody reached out to check with her and her feelings:

“And that’s another thing that’s really disappointing is that nobody ever picks up the phone and tries to contact you and say, ‘how you doing?’ That would have been the way to handle it.

And usually what happens in a healthy relationship is that someone, or a transaction for a job in my business, is that someone says, ‘are you available?’ and you say ‘yes’ and here’s the job and you say ‘yes but thank you very much but I’m sort of over here right now but thank you very much’ and that person turns to you and they say ‘that’s great, good luck to you, I wish you the best.’ That’s not what happened here, this is, it feels like a toxic relationship.”

People doubled down and said Kim definitely killed the movie in a not-so-normal way and was a liar for saying she didn’t want to play Samantha anymore.  A source said she was negotiating for the film as recently as this summer.

Kim said she’ll never play the part again and added, “But everything comes to an end and in closing one door another door opens and that door has been waiting for a long time.” And, with that, Kristin Davis hopped on Craigslist and began scouring for casting calls in Spokane community theater.

Pic: Wenn.com

Over the weekend, Kim Cattrall took a metaphorical flame thrower to any possible future working relationship with Sarah Jessica Parker by accusing her of fake condolences for her late brother Christopher Cattrall. But Kim doesn’t appear to hate everything about SATC. Sorry SJP, it’s just you.

After Kim announced that her brother was found dead after going missing, UsWeekly says that Cynthia Nixon reached out to Kim on Instagram with her thoughts and condolences. Cynthia wrote: “Hey Kim, such awful news. So sorry to hear. Sending you love. XO.” Cynthia might have also reached out to Kim via phone, because Kim replied:

“Cynthia, hearing your voice meant so much to me. Thank you for reaching out. Love Kim.”

If Kim still likes Cynthia, then I suppose SATC fans could hold out hope that Kim would be okay with a third Sex and the City movie. Just as long as Samantha’s scenes are shot solely at two-person brunches with Miranda. I’m for it! Who wouldn’t want to see Miranda’s extremely disgusted face after Samantha tells a story about getting electrocuted by her robotic sex doll?

Pic: Wenn.com

Anyone who is seen in a photo with Sarah Jessica Parker is in clear violation of the Samantha Summit, which dictates no friend of Kim Cattrall should ever seem remotely friendly with the hypocritical shoe saleswoman formerly known as Carrie Bradshaw. Or that’s probably what Kim is thinking after one of her ex-castmates shared pics on Instagram with that “hypocrite” Sarah Jessica. Watch out, Cynthia Nixon. Hell hath no fury like a Samantha Jones scorned!

UsWeekly is wondering if Cynthia is saying she’s Team SJP after running into each other at a T Magazine photoshoot on Monday. Cynthia put the photo on Instagram, and UsWeekly says they couldn’t have looked happier to see each other:

Old friends ran into each other at a @tmagazine shoot today…miss you @sarahjessicaparker

A post shared by Cynthia Nixon (@cynthiaenixon) on Feb 26, 2018 at 1:12pm PST

I mean, SJP looks like someone just told a really funny fart joke, but Cynthia looks like the reserved principal judging the talent show who is trying to not play favorites after a really shitty piano performance of “Chopsticks.” But tomato tom-ah-to! This is apparently the first time they’ve been seen in public together after shit went down publicly between Kim and Sarah Jessica, so everyone is trying to read between the lines if “miss you” and a heart emoji really means, “Love you way more than that selfish hag!”

As y’all know, Kim is why there won’t be a Sex And The City 3 for you all to waste a MoviePass on. Things really got nasty after Kim’s brother passed away. Both SJP and Cynthia wrote condolence notes on Kim’s Instagram pertaining to his death. While Kim seemed to value the love from the cast at first (and even said so to Cynthia), she came for SJP. Word on the street was Kim calling SJP a hypocrite was “devastating” to the latter, as she’s not a mean girl. I’m sure the happenstance photoshoot certainly spawned some great ideas for Sex And The City 3, like the three remaining broads go and spread Samantha’s ashes in her favorite Chippendale’s dressing room!

Pic: Wenn.com

We found out last year that the idea of running for the governor of New York has been dancing inside of Cynthia Nixon’s head and that several people have told her to go for it. And in January, Cynthia moved the “rumor” closer to fact when she was asked if she was going to battle it out against the current governor, Mr. Sandra Lee (otherwise known as Andrew Cuomo), for the position of head bitch of New York, and she said, “Maybe.” And now NY1 is hearing that Cynthia is so serious about running that she’s getting her team together. You know, Cynthia Nixon is perfect for the world of politics. She’s used to dealing with petty and catty bitches in overpriced shoes.

To me, Cynthia needs only one member on her team and one member only. That’s Rojo Caliente (government: Christine Marinoni), because she can torch any rival easily and she already works in government! But NY1 says that Cynthia has been talking to Rebecca Katz and Bill Hyers, who were part of New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s first mayoral campaign.

The New York Times says that Cynthia, who has been into education activism, is also taking a crash course in how to be governor by learning about policy, especially transportation policy, which some say is Governor Cuomo’s weakest area. A big reason why Cynthia is thinking of running is because she cares a lot about education and thinks that Governor Sandra Lee’s Man has been shortchanging the kids.

If Cynthia runs, she may get an endorsement from Mayor de Blasio since Rojo works in his administration, they both campaigned for him in 2013 and he’s in a feud with Cuomo. If Cynthia runs and if she wins, she’d be the first female and openly gay governor of New York. Cynthia’s rep issued a statement that makes it sound like, yup, she’s running.

“Many concerned New Yorkers have been encouraging Cynthia to run for office, and as she has said previously, she will continue to explore it. If and when such a decision is made, Cynthia will be sure to make her plans public.”

Cynthia will have to grease up her face with several jars of Crisco, because it’d be a fight since Cuomo has almost $30 million in campaign money and the Times says he’s still popular with the Democratic electorate. But Cynthia can easily take that shit if puts together a poster of Rojo saying, “I am Rojo Caliente and I command you to vote for Cynthia Nixon.” She’d break records by becoming the first politician in history to get every single vote. Even Sandra Lee’s!

It’s been over 5 years since I moved away from NYC, and I’ve always said that I’d go back to that expensive ass place in a millisecond if one of two things happened to me:

1. I marry a multi-millionaire who gives me a credit card with no spending limit and doesn’t ask me pesky questions like, “Why did you suddenly move to NYC after we got married without telling me?”
2. I win millions upon millions in Powerball.

But I’m tempted to add “Rojo Caliente becomes First Lady of New York” to that list.

Sure, if I moved back to NYC I could only afford to live in a literal shoe box in an alley on Staten Island, but well at least I could look up and see the glorious vision of a towering Rojo Caliente statue. I mean, if Cynthia wins, I’d assume that the Statue of Liberty would immediately be replaced with the Statue of Ginger Gloriousness.

Pic: Wenn.com

Sarah Jessica Parker should go ahead and add, “Also looking for a neurotic ass ginger who looks good in a business suit,” to the casting ad she’s going to post on Backstage to find a new Samantha, because it doesn’t look like Miranda Hobbes will be available for that third Sex and the City turd that only Carrie and Charlotte want.

As expected, Mrs. Rojo Caliente announced today that she’s going to try to take down Mr. Sandra Lee. Cynthia Nixon is running for Governor of New York against Andrew Cuomo. If you’re a New Yorker and screaming about how you’re sick of famous people running for office when they’ve never really had a job in politics before (see: Antonio Sabato Jr., Stacey  Dash, etc…), then I need to tell you that a vote against Cynthia Nixon is a vote against Rojo Caliente becoming First Lady of New York and that is a vote against GOD, pretty much.

Just a couple of weeks after I started looking for studio apartment in Albany so that I can breathe in the same air as the First Lady of New York, her wife Cynthia Nixon tweeted a campaign video along with an official announcement for candidacy of governor in NY. The video is like a trailer for Girl on the Train (but with more gingerness and zero alcoholism. So Ginger on the Train basically). Cynthia tells us that she’s lived in NYC her entire life, and that something has to change, and that many New York kids are fucked nowadays thanks to the ones running the state. But more importantly, Cynthia Nixon’s campaign ad has not one, but two new Rojo Caliente sightings! One sighting is of Rojo playing with their son as Mrs Rojo folds something.

The other sighting is in the opening scene, which was a smart move. Cynthia Nixon definitely knew that everybody watching would immediately stop watching while saying, “No Rojo, no care”, if she wasn’t in the first 3 seconds.

I love New York, and today I'm announcing my candidacy for governor. Join us: https://t.co/9DwsxWW8xX pic.twitter.com/kYTvx6GZiD

— Cynthia Nixon (@CynthiaNixon) March 19, 2018

Cynthia Nixon will take on current NY governor Andrew Cuomo in the Democratic primary on September 13. Since she’s been an education activist for a while, her focus will probably be education, and also transportation (because apparently many citizens think the current state of transportation is messier than Sandra Lee’s white chocolate polenta). If Cynthia wins, she’d be the first female governor, as well as the first openly gay one. She would not be the first ginger governor of New York, because this dude already won that illustrious title.

Christine Marinoni (aka Rojo Caliente) was working in Mayor Bill de Blasio’s administration as a special adviser for community partnerships in the Department of Education, but she recently quit that $131,708-a-year job.

As of today, polls show that Cuomo is way ahead of Cynthia, but the race is still young. And whatever happens, Cynthia Nixon has already done right by the people in a major way by gracing our eyeballs with the flaming ginger perfection of Rojo Caliente! That is how you serve the people!

Pic: @CynthiaNixon

People still get their panties in a bunch anytime the non-Charlotte cast members of Sex And The City do something, and lately that was limited to hissing like alley cats at each other. None of them could stand it when Kim Cattrall saved the movie industry by putting the kibosh on Sex And The City 3. It didn’t take Cynthia Nixon long to find her next career move, and it didn’t entail dressing a mop in a cocktail dress and calling it Samantha. Instead, she’s running to be the governor of New York, and her former castmates have a different reaction to her non-SATC news than they did to Kim’s.

Several of the SATC crew have chimed in to support Cynthia’s very Miranda move to run against Andrew Cuomo for governor, including Kristin Davis and bitchy Stanford (aka Willie Garson):

I am so proud of @CynthiaNixon , no one cares more than she does about EVERY person getting a fair change and a good education. I know that she would be an excellent Governor ! https://t.co/xEAyRxFBb8

— Kristin Davis (@KristinDavis) March 19, 2018

An educated, concerned, positive candidate, filled with empathy, not out for personal gain, who cares about SERVING, nor has spent life as a CAREER politician? We can pretty much ALL agree on this one…. https://t.co/wZqlB27hzZ

— Willie Garson (@WillieGarson) March 20, 2018

There had been murmurs for a while that Cynthia was power lesbian plotting to take on the establishment and rule New York, as she assembled a team of campaign experts to explore a bid. Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim were the hold-outs, but while we’re still waiting for Carrie to chime in (I guess she’s too busy at a Manolo closeout sale), Kim managed to voice her support, and while doing so, spit at the castmates who didn’t support her move to not do a third SATC movie.

I support & respect any former colleague’s right to make their own career choices. https://t.co/zae7nJ6VFi

— Kim Cattrall (@KimCattrall) March 22, 2018

Um….thanks? I mean, the last time Kim spoke about her SATC gals, it was to rake Sarah Jessica through the coals for being a so-called fake Fanny. In Kim language, this may as well be an offer to host a damn campaign rally and parade down Fifth Avenue in Cynthia’s honor!

Pic: Wenn.com

Just this morning, Sarah Jessica Parker officially endorsed Cynthia Nixon for Governor of New York. It took her a minute to make her approval Instagram official, but she got there. SJP may still have beef with Kim Cattrall but it seems that Cynthia is A-OK in her book. Phew, Cynthia can move forward now that she’s secured the only endorsement that counts (suck it, Oprah. Don’t nobody need you here!).

Here’s SJP’s post.

@cynthiaenixon A mother An activist An advocate A fighter A NY'er A dear friend Running for Governor of our great state. My sister on and off screen, you have my love, support and vote. To learn more, read about @cynthiaenixon or donate go to https://cynthiafornewyork.com/ Xx, SJ

A post shared by SJP (@sarahjessicaparker) on Mar 29, 2018 at 6:43am PDT

According to Page Six, since Cynthia announced her candidacy over a week ago, people were wondering if maybe SJP was holding back some salty tears to go with her endorsement. After all, most of Cynthia’s other Sex And The City cast mates publicly said “I’m with her” by tweeting their support (well, Kim’s message was more like a pinched “sure”). Here’s what SJP had to say at that time:

Through her spokeswoman, Ina Treciokas, Parker said, “Cynthia has been my friend and colleague since we were little girls. I look forward to talking to her about her New York state gubernatorial bid.”

Sorry, SJP, if you’re my friend (or even a casual acquaintance I like) and you announce a big thing like you’re running for Governor, I’m geeking the fuck out. I’m not friends with assholes, so I don’t need to hash it out and make you do a song and dance routine called What Imma Do For You, New York! in my private chambers before giving you a big Caesar thumbs up or down.

Maybe SJP gave Cynthia a tepid initial response because if she’s gonna be Governor of NY, she won’t ever be able to return as Zombie Miranda in a some future SATC abomination. Page Six says that HBO was worried that if SJP ghosted Cynthia it could hurt their SATC bottom line because people won’t want to watch reruns of a 20 year old show about girl power if they think the actors don’t like each other. Which is ridiculous because I watched all of True Blood and don’t believe in Werewolves. Although, vampires are real. Don’t @ me.

At any rate, SJP’s delayed response cleared the way for her endorsement to be the biggest, most meaningful and heartfelt one with the longest build up and the biggest payoff! Take that, Kim!

Pic: Wenn.com

Cynthia Nixon’s first television interview since announcing her run for governor of New York aired this morning on The Wendy Williams Show. Those who still aren’t sure if Cynthia has the experience to run for governor should probably watch this interview as soon as possible. She’s seriously on top of things. Before Wendy could get out her signature, “How you doin’?” Cynthia asked, “How are you?” in a way that said, “No really Wendy, what can I, Cynthia Nixon, do for you.”

Wendy and Cynthia talked about everything. If they hadn’t run out of time, I’m sure they would have eventually gotten to Cynthia’s turn as Heather the new age nanny on Addams Family Values. Wendy brought up the fact that all three of Cynthia’s co-stars from Sex and the City have endorsed her gubernatorial run, and that she’s an O away from an EGOT. Wendy then asked why she wanted to run, and much like her campaign announcement video, she says it’s because she loves New York.

We already know Cynthia’s focus is on public schools and public transit. Well, she also wants to legalize weed and pass better gun control laws:

“I’m absolutely for the legalization of marijuana. Let’s capture some of that revenue.”

“We have good gun laws here, but we just passed a budget where we did almost nothing to amend our gun laws, and there is such an appetite for real progressive change in New York State.”

She also got a little shady while defending herself against the argument that she’s just a celebrity, by saying that her opponent Andrew Cuomo is basically just former governor Mario Cuomo’s son:

.@CynthiaNixon talks about running against Governor Cuomo. Keep watching at https://t.co/U2jJ8oXqrz pic.twitter.com/lPFEIwBJWD

— Wendy Williams (@WendyWilliams) April 4, 2018

Wendy also asked Cynthia how she and her wife Christine Marinoni plan on handling being thrust into the spotlight during the campaign run. Someone needs to inform Wendy that in some pockets of the world (like Dlisted), Cynthia and her wife Christine are already huge celebrities. But let’s just play along with Wendy for a second and pretend that all this exposure will be new to them. Wendy asked how they’re going to manage being photographed “every time you and Christine make out.” To which Cynthia replied, “Hopefully not in our apartment. Are they going to be there in our apartment?” No really, is that what happens when you’re the governor of New York? Is Governor Cuomo’s partner Sandra Lee curating a semi-sexual tablescape on which to lean while sucking face with him? I guess I’ll have to wait and see if and when those pics hit Page Six.

Pic: The Wendy Williams Show

The blacklist at the admissions office of Heaven just got a lot, lot longer with the names of the evil morons who dared to vote against Cynthia Nixon for governor of New York. A vote against Cynthia Nixon is a vote against Rojo Caliente, and a vote against Rojo Caliente is a vote against everything that is good and holy. Those dumb fucks are going to realize they made a mistake when they end up in Hell and find out that the only thing served in the Ninth Circle cafeteria is Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa Cake.

As we all know, Cynthia is running for governor of New York against the current governor of New York, Mr. Sandra Lee (aka Andrew Cuomo). I’m not a Citizen of New York anymore and Cynthia isn’t really qualified to be the head of NY, but she still has definitely won my vote for three reasons: 1. She’s married to ginger angel Rojo Caliente. 2. She wants to legalize the good shit there. 3. She’s married to ginger angel Rojo Caliente.

Cynthia has been running as an anti-establishment Democrat, and her message is that New York needs a big change. The New York Democratic Party probably shook with fear over “big change” and continued to show that they’re allergic to shaking shit up by overwhelmingly voting to endorse Cuomo. Who cares about them! Cynthia Nixon has already won the support of Samantha Jones and that’s the only endorsement that matters!

The NY Democratic Convention was held yesterday, and Cuomo got 95% of the votes. That really wasn’t a surprise since the big members of the party, including Hillary Clinton, backed his ass. Cynthia got 5% of the votes, which was 20% short of what she needed to secure the party’s endorsement. A rep for her campaign told HuffPo she knew she wasn’t going to get it.

“I am attending the convention today because New York Democrats deserve to have at least one actual Democrat running for governor at their state convention,” Nixon said Wednesday at the state’s Democratic Convention, admitting that she never expected to nail the 25 percent of votes needed to receive the party’s endorsement. “We are here to show we are not afraid, and this is our party too, and that voters have an alternative.”

Cuomo won 95 percent of the vote, which according to Nixon’s team didn’t come as a shock.

The fact that Cuomo would snag the endorsement was “100 percent expected,” Nixon campaign spokeswoman Lauren Hitt told HuffPost. “Most people running for office will have to collect signatures to be on the ballot. It’s not seen as any significant hurdle.”

Mrs. Rojo isn’t out, though. In New York state, winning the endorsement from your party only means that you don’t need to collect petition signatures to get a place on the ballot in the primary election in September. Cynthia believes she’ll get the 15,000 signatures needed.

The tragic truth is, Cynthia Nixon is probably not going to be governor this time around. But when she loses, she’ll get to cry on the magical freckled bosom of Rojo Caliente as Andrew Cuomo has to pretend grin while taking a bite out of Sandra Lee’s victory cake (two layers of Twinkies sandwiching three thick layers of strawberry Fruit Roll-Ups and covered with Toaster Strudel jizz and Hershey-dipped maraschino cherries). So who’s the real winner?!

Pic: Wenn.com